I’ve been trying to write lately but the euphonious words don’t bleed like they used to. Restless days and intoxicated nights are lingering all that is no longer. I lay crooked on the bed with my skin soaked in saltwater and hazy eyes trying to feel alive. My bones shift under the weight of your shoulders. Wispy shadows of what ifs and what could have beens are lurking around the corner of the room. How odd it is to be enamored by a body pressed against yours as attempts of comfort were in fluid motions. Your warm voice tried to carve out your grief and nostalgia rushes deep into my flesh again as your vodka-stained lips gradually kissed my forehead. Our desperate glowing breaths and wandering thoughts kept us awake in the middle of the night as we clothe each other with a heavy promise and swing of stories. A surge of euphoria were tucked between our jagged hands and you buried me into your arms. And in that moment i swear we were infinite.
I know i am a lost and scarred soul trying to walk straight in an open road, still stuck with a dreading past and a blurry future. I wanted to escape from my leftover frustration and swollen uncertainty. But you have always been the perfect prose to my paperback journal. You were my secret. You were genuinely my first. Years have passed stringed with fresh mistakes, bad habits, inevitable failures and broken hearts but i am still here waiting for you to conceive these stretches of honest paragraphs that i myself couldn’t quite understand. I could always find the right words swimming in my head but never the courage to spill them from my mouth. I am a tangle of emotions about you but is it insubstantial? When the stars are aligned already, you’ll drown with my words that the ocean would be so jealous. I don’t know how to love someone. But i’m not going to leave and maybe that’s enough.