30 Friday Dec 2011
This year, I’ve had the best and worst times of my life. I was euphoric when summer came but was completely destroyed when relationships were measured, trust was broken, fingers have been pointed, sides were taken, reputations were ruined and things kept falling apart. To make things worse, my dreams crashed and everything else failed for real. I’ve been stabbed at the back and i’ve been drenched with words made of knives. I’ve been weighed down, i’ve been lied at and i’ve been disgraced. I, too, have shortcomings when i happen to unintentionally hurt others because of my inconsistency and blind optimism. I have gone through long and sleepless nights of feeling not good enough as i try to put into poetry or prose all my thoughts and emotions. Over the good intentions and bad decisions i have made, i grew. This year taught me literally heart-wrenching pain and face-slapping failure. I used to struggle to wake up in the morning feeling hopeless and worthless. But through these circumstances and adversities that happened, i was able to value the most important (like my family) and simple things in life. I have to endure and to carry on with life because it’s the only way. I have to let go and to move on without fear or regret. I have to forgive and to learn from all the mistakes i have made. I tried to set things right and made life-changing choices. I tried to help others more then i found happiness again. This year really taught me how to be strong.
Of all the heartbreaking truths and finding oneself again, of falling infinitely in love and losing people along the way, of all the downfall and glorious moments, of all the crazy laughters and tears, of all the food binging days and intoxicated nights, this has been a big year for me. I will not dwell on how hurtful this year has been but count the days i was the happiest. I am still grateful that i have survived. Tomorrow is the last day of the year and i have one more chance to make it all better.